Out and Proud
Photo credit: Lizzy Coghill
A few years ago, I was working at a very conservative golf club. While there, I was outed by my coworker. I had let them know, in confidence, that I was gay. I’d been out in my personal life for a couple of years but I’d chosen to keep that part of my life separate from work. As word about my sexual orientation was being gossiped around the club, I decided that I was the one who had to tell my boss/mentor that I was gay before anyone else could.
I was so mortified to tell my mentor. I went to his office, closed the door, and told him that my performance would not change just because I am gay. I was so lucky that day that he was accepting of me and understood that I needed to take the rest of the day off. Though I’ve been out now for over five years, I still have to come out at least 3-4 times a week, and it doesn’t really get easier.
That day, I felt like something was taken from me. Every single queer person should have the right to decide whether they feel safe enough in a situation to be out. There is a trust that needs to be earned.
Photo credit: Lizzy Coghill
I haven’t always trusted golf or the people in it. Traditionally, golf is considered a very male-centered sport with a manly identity. It’s been hard to break in as a woman, and as I started coming out as a lesbian to more people in my everyday life, I thought it was over for me. I was so worried that this game that I loved so much would turn against me. Unfortunately, it has in some ways. There will always be people who don’t accept me, and that is okay. If I have learned anything, people will surprise you.
I did end up leaving this club due to our values not really aligning. I then interviewed at a lot of places, because I wanted to make sure I could control my safety in the environment as much as possible. I did end up somewhere that I loved.
While I was having an extra bad day full of inappropriate comments and misogyny at my old job, I got upset. I told one of my coworkers that I was having a rough day, and he asked me, “if you don’t like it then why don’t you just quit?” I was taken aback. I had thought about quitting golf, I’ve had really bad days, but I’ve also had really good ones. I just could not wrap my head around why I was being told to quit instead of having us, as a whole, question why I don’t feel like I have a place there to begin with.
When I stopped to think about why someone would suggest quitting, I thought about my place in society as a woman and lesbian. I am now able to be open about my sexuality in public, and was even able to get married to an amazing incredible woman because people before me did not quit when faced with prejudice, and instead they fought for us to have the same space in society as any other person.
Photo credit: Andre Nogueira
My goal in golf, and the reason I stayed in this industry, is to create an environment in which queer people don’t have to think of golf as a conservative man’s game, but to think of it as an inclusive, beautiful sport that they can love and belong to without being judged for who they are.
Despite the challenges, I will continue to take up space in the golf world and encourage others like myself to do the same. I am so grateful that the people in my life support me as well as the other women and queer people who are just trying to make space in the industry for others like us.
If you want to read more, here are some useful educational links:
https://www.hrc.org/resources/glossary-of-terms
https://www.glaad.org/resourcelist
And here’s a link to my go-to nonprofit organization: https://www.thetrevorproject.org.